the phagos blog

Next Monday, one week from today, is my 45^th birthday. The past few years I’ve spent my birthday by myself, in part because of its proximity to the passing of my late wife, and partly because it was a good excuse to be lazy for an entire day and not do anything. In breaking with recent traditions that no longer serve, next Tuesday some people are going to be in for a big surprise. Not Monday, as I won’t be at work, though I am starting them Monday. Monday I’m unleashing an improved version of myself on the world, a major upgrade in several respects. (more…)

If someone were to ask me what my biggest challenge is, I would have to say it is remaining consistent over time, as my sensei has noted. In jujitsu, this has expressed itself as the tendency to not attend class regularly. I can give you any number of reasons why I have not done so, but the truth is, it’s a character flaw, plain and simple. I’m telling you this not because I’m proud of it, but because I need to think, and I do some of my best thinking while I’m writing, among other things. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I do some of my best thinking when I’m not actually thinking, or at least, not thinking about a particular subject. (more…)

Last Thursday was an interesting day, way too interesting for my taste. It started out well enough, and looked to be a very promising day – until I’d been at work for about 10 minutes and the day went to hell for a while. A hell of my own making, but hell nonetheless. Today, rather than letting it stay there and stewing about it, I decided to do something about it. (more…)

If you’ve followed my blog over the last few months, you may recall that at times I’ve said that I had the feeling that something big was around the corner, though I was never exactly sure when it was going to get here, or what it was. Well, it’s here. And as usual, it’s not what I expected. (more…)

Last night was not what I would consider one of my shining moments. Lately I’ve been feeling rather discontent with certain aspects of my life, and last night it caught up with me. Though I’m over being sick, I stayed home last night instead of going to jujitsu class. To make matters worse, I allowed myself to sink into a bout of self pity, and decided to indulge in a couple of beers, which made me a bit loopy last night and left me tired and drained today. Though I have done my best to let it go, there are still times when my late wife’s memory still causes me to be emotional. For some reason this still surprises me, since I can think of my two living ex-wives without feeling anything, except possibly relief and gratitude that those relationships are history. (more…)

Another year, another Valentine’s Day. I say that because to me, it was just like any other day of the year. Since I’ve been in between relationships for a while now, it didn’t really seem like there was anything to celebrate yesterday, other than just being alive, which I try to do every day. It was a pretty good day for the most part – I didn’t go anywhere, and I was able to lounge around and read or watch tv for a good portion of the day. I only wish I could say it was all good. (more…)

Well, a lot has happened since my last update. The week of yes came and went with little fanfare, I’ve finally gotten over the sinus infection and started back to class, and I’m continuing my trek through the Android development book. Looking around the kitchen this morning, the counter is full of dirty dishes, appliances, and packaged food and fruit. I feel like I’m waking up from a month long nap, now that I’m healthy again. And the one thing that I keep thinking as I look around my house and evaluate some of the things in my life is, something has to change. (more…)

It’s midday of day 2 of the week of yes. Just a little while ago I inadvertently committed a faux pax by saying no when invited to lunch by one of my friends, but I think I’ll survive. It’s really the first thing I’ve been asked where I had the opportunity to say yes since starting yesterday, and I goofed. Well, at least I’m aware of it, and rather quickly. Though I can’t make up for it, next time I will remember to say yes before I manage to say no again.

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Here we are, the end of January. Not much has changed the last month, since I decided to do more things that make me happy. Of course, spending most of the month sick didn’t help much, and I’m still on my second round of antibiotics. But that’s just a passing thing. I’m already feeling better, and it won’t be long before I’m completely back to good health. So I’m sitting here, watching the movie Yes Man, which is great, though the book is even better, and I’m writing this blog. So, now that I’m recovering, it’s time to start my next life experiment.

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I’m in the finishing stages of getting over a sinus infection. This one was particularly nasty, and I think it had been building for quite some time. Typically, when I get sick I don’t want to be around people much, and this time was no exception. Unlike past bouts, that desire seems to be sticking around. (more…)