the phagos blog

Next Monday, one week from today, is my 45^th birthday. The past few years I’ve spent my birthday by myself, in part because of its proximity to the passing of my late wife, and partly because it was a good excuse to be lazy for an entire day and not do anything. In breaking with recent traditions that no longer serve, next Tuesday some people are going to be in for a big surprise. Not Monday, as I won’t be at work, though I am starting them Monday. Monday I’m unleashing an improved version of myself on the world, a major upgrade in several respects. (more…)

If someone were to ask me what my biggest challenge is, I would have to say it is remaining consistent over time, as my sensei has noted. In jujitsu, this has expressed itself as the tendency to not attend class regularly. I can give you any number of reasons why I have not done so, but the truth is, it’s a character flaw, plain and simple. I’m telling you this not because I’m proud of it, but because I need to think, and I do some of my best thinking while I’m writing, among other things. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I do some of my best thinking when I’m not actually thinking, or at least, not thinking about a particular subject. (more…)

Last Thursday was an interesting day, way too interesting for my taste. It started out well enough, and looked to be a very promising day – until I’d been at work for about 10 minutes and the day went to hell for a while. A hell of my own making, but hell nonetheless. Today, rather than letting it stay there and stewing about it, I decided to do something about it. (more…)

If you’ve followed my blog over the last few months, you may recall that at times I’ve said that I had the feeling that something big was around the corner, though I was never exactly sure when it was going to get here, or what it was. Well, it’s here. And as usual, it’s not what I expected. (more…)

Last night was not what I would consider one of my shining moments. Lately I’ve been feeling rather discontent with certain aspects of my life, and last night it caught up with me. Though I’m over being sick, I stayed home last night instead of going to jujitsu class. To make matters worse, I allowed myself to sink into a bout of self pity, and decided to indulge in a couple of beers, which made me a bit loopy last night and left me tired and drained today. Though I have done my best to let it go, there are still times when my late wife’s memory still causes me to be emotional. For some reason this still surprises me, since I can think of my two living ex-wives without feeling anything, except possibly relief and gratitude that those relationships are history. (more…)

It’s midday of day 2 of the week of yes. Just a little while ago I inadvertently committed a faux pax by saying no when invited to lunch by one of my friends, but I think I’ll survive. It’s really the first thing I’ve been asked where I had the opportunity to say yes since starting yesterday, and I goofed. Well, at least I’m aware of it, and rather quickly. Though I can’t make up for it, next time I will remember to say yes before I manage to say no again.

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Here we are, the end of January. Not much has changed the last month, since I decided to do more things that make me happy. Of course, spending most of the month sick didn’t help much, and I’m still on my second round of antibiotics. But that’s just a passing thing. I’m already feeling better, and it won’t be long before I’m completely back to good health. So I’m sitting here, watching the movie Yes Man, which is great, though the book is even better, and I’m writing this blog. So, now that I’m recovering, it’s time to start my next life experiment.

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Let me start by apologizing for the time since my last post. I’ve been concentrating more on my jujitsu notebook and trying to get over a sinus infection, which has left little energy or desire to write. Now, on with the post. Lately I’ve been getting some messages from the universe, on a regular basis and some of them are becoming increasingly insistent. Perhaps the most pressing of these is that the universe is asking me to choose the main direction my life will take for some time to come. (more…)

ok, so here we are in the third day of the new year, and I have already broken my first tradition. Many people make a New Year’s resolution, which they fail to achieve and frequently stop working towards between the 2nd and 6th week of the new year.  If it makes it that long.  I haven’t made a new year’s resolution in quite sometime, and typically don’t.  But this year, I decided it would be a good idea. I only made one, and I don’t expect it to be difficult to keep.

My lone resolution is this: this year I’m going to do more things that make me happy.  That’s it.  That’s all.  But I’m not going to doing it in a selfish manner - I’m not talking about hoarding, or give me this, give me that kind of behavior.  I’m thinking more along the lines of spending more Sundays at Riverbanks, working in and on my garden, doing some more writing, hanging out with friends more, that kind of thing.  Investing more time in the people, things, and experiences I enjoy.

So there it is - my  first tradition broken.  This is going to be a year of many broken traditions - and many new ones. Can’t wait to see what happens!

Here I sit, on the first morning of the new year, sipping a mimosa and writing. Over the last few days, I’ve experienced a growing sense that something big is coming my way, something good, but something big. I don’t know what it is, or when it will get here, but I feel like it isn’t far off. Of course, on one hand, I could be completely wrong, and on the other hand, it might already be here. Yes, 2010 might actually be the big thing around the corner.

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