wanting what you get and expectation
Last week I went to a meeting of pagans, a meetup group that gathers once a month at a local restaurant to eat and talk. A few weeks ago, someone in the group floated the idea of having a midsummers ball to celebrate the change. At that time I thought it was a great idea, though I didn’t really expect anyone to pull it off. Well, here we are, a little less than 2 weeks away from it, and I’m less than enthused.
For whatever reason, last night I saw something about myself I hadn’t really noticed before. I decide that I want something, invest time doing my part to bring it about, and then as it’s about to manifest, decide that I don’t want it any more because I think it’s going to be different than I expected. I’ve wanted to be part of a pagan community, one that does things together and the like, and now that I am, or on the cusp of it, I don’t want it because it’s not what I expected.
Which begs the question, what did I expect? Something different, obviously. Looking back at the pattern of my life, it’s clear to me that what I need to do is let go of my expectations. Not because I allow myself to be disappointed when they aren’t met, even though that is reason enough. No, the reason it’s time to let them go is because then I am free to let things be as they are without attaching ngative judgments to them, It also allows them to develop in ways I hadn’t considered, possibly turning out far better than I anticipated.
It’s one thing to write of letting go of expectations, it is another to actually do it, Expectations are built up through conscious and unconcscious thought, and they are often tied to our emotions. Expectations are often deeply ingrained because they are the result of establihed patterns of thought and like those patterns, have become a habit. This is not an excuse to avoid trying, or to justify failure in advance, but a recognition that dismantling them will be like breaking any other habit, like smoking or drugs – the result of changing those little things day to day and being persistent until one day, they’re gone. On a humorous note, I recognize the paradox and irony of expecting to lose my expectations.
With temperatures expected near 100 this weekend, I think it’s a good weekend to spend some time on self examination and create some sort of plan for moving forward, there are a number of things that need some planning. In the meantime, expect good things! 