beyond desire
I mentioned in my previous post an interesting discovery I’d made about myself. I described it to a friend of mine this way: as soon as I figure out that I want something, I stop doing anything or don’t start doing what I need to do in order to manifest it. I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days, and have come up with some thoughts about why this might be, and what to do about it.
Ironically, the more I tell myself I want something, the less likely I am to get it. Or to do the things I need to in order to get it. And yet, when I look around, most, if not all of the things currently in my life are things I wanted very much at some time in my life: my job, a house, a garden, my pets, my motorcycle, taking jujitsu classes – it’s a pretty extensive list. They all have one thing in common – even before I had them, at some point, I stopped wanting them. Not stopped wanting them in my life, but the focus switched from wanting something I didn’t have. The question changed from what do I want to what do I need to do to bring these things in? Then I went and did them, and waited, and worked.
Lately I’ve found myself wanting things again, and he more I want them the more problematic they’ve been. But I’ve also added a couple of new habits to my routine that’s going to take me a step or two in a direction I want to go. Interestingly, I did it without a lot of fanfare, at least to myself. I’ve been keeping track on a calendar, making sure that I do them at the correct period, and the one that is a daily habit has been done nearly every day for the past 4 weeks or so, it’s pretty established now.
So what does that tell me? Well, it tells me that my mind doesn’t quite work the way I thought, and that I need to go about things a bit differently. When I take the emotional attachment out of it and plan, I am much more successful at bringing things in than if I operate from the emotional level of wanting or desire.
It’s an odd feeling, knowing that when I want something I’m actually pushing it away rather than bringing it closer. The only thing that makes any sense to me is that when I want, I’m focused on th lack of whatever is I want, and when I stop wanting, that focus is removed. So logically, if I really want something, I should be planning for it’s eventual arrival rather than focusing its absence. Which anyone into the law of attraction will tell you. It’s rather like the difference in seeing a new cd at the store and wanting it, versus seeing the new cd and checking your pockets or bank account to see if you have the money to buy it. Wanting versus action. Hmm. Perhaps I have misunderstood the nature of wanting and desire.
When all is said and done, what I really need to be doing is planning and thinking, not sitting around wanting anything. Which is a healthier thing to do anyway. It will be interesting to see how this works out.