the phagos blog

A lot of my friends lately seem to be going through hard times - deaths in the family, unhappy marriages, crappy jobs, medical issues - it seems to be swirling around me.  I too, have seen my fair share of dilemmas of late, though perhaps less severe than my friends are experiencing.  In the past, my response to my friends’ hardships has been one of empathizing - focusing on the issue to try to bring some relief.  What I am finally realizing though, is that by focusing on those things, I am only fixing them in place for my friends and indirectly bringing them into my own life as well.

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Over the last six to twelve months, my thinking and way of looking at things has been changing.  Most of my life has been spent doing things a certain way, one that I’ve found doesn’t work for me any more.  Well, not as well as I’d like.  You see, when I’d first learn about something, or start doing something, I’d jump in head first, immerse myself, and learn or do everything I could.  Then when I hit a certain point, I’d abandon the methodical approach and rely more on my intuitive sense.  The end result was I’d wind up jumping around here and there, never finishing anything, just making a big unfinished mess before I’d abandon it altogether.  My work was a bit like that too, and it was sloppier than it should have been.  But that’s been changing.

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Since the experience I wrote about in my last post, I’ve done a number of things that I wouldn’t have done before that.  The last couple days, that’s been on my mind a lot.  I tend to think deeply when I’m tired, and that’s not really a good thing for me, since my thoughts go places that aren’t good for me when I’m tired.  At jujitsu class tonight, I got some much needed perspective.

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Usually I try to think of some clever one or two word title that sort of sums up what the post is about.  I decided to change that this time.  Some of my friends are going to read this, people I see everyday at work, and maybe my daughter.  Instead of couching things behind vague terms, I want this explanation understood as clearly as possible.  Ten days ago, April 22nd, 2009,  I experienced an event that has forever altered me and the way I see the world.

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