happy birthday to me
As I was reading in bed early this morning, unable to sleep after napping late yesterday afternoon, my 44th birthday quietly arrived. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, so I wanted to take a moment and reflect on my life, as well as recent events.
Over my short time on this planet, I’ve seen and experienced a lot of things. I’ve known joy that I thought would never end, and sorrow so deep I almost didn’t survive it. I’ve seen friends, spouses, and hard times come and go. I’ve watched as my friends have gone through some of the same things, and they’ve dealt with things I can only imagine. I’ve seen sights too beautiful for words, and scenes so ugly I didn’t or couldn’t watch.
Through it all, I’ve been there. Always changing, learning, questioning, comforting, or kicking someone in the rear if they needed it. I’ve known with certainty what the future held, and watched those futures slip away into the mist, never to return. I’ve searched inside and out for the meaning of life and my purpose in this world. Sometimes I thought I found it, many times I was wrong.
Recently I have come to the conclusion that I think I know what the purpose of my life is, though I don’t care to discuss the particulars of that with you just yet. I came to the same conclusion 16 years ago, though at that time I lacked the determination and creativity to follow the path I saw. Since then, I have learned, seen, and experienced a lot. Some of it was good, some of it was bad. I wouldn’t give up any of it though, because then I wouldn’t be here. If I had the determination and creativity to see my original vision through all the years ago, my life would have been very different than it is now. I can’t say whether that means better or worse - I don’t know where I’d be now had I traveled that other path.
So, maybe I missed my first best destiny. It doesn’t matter - what matters is what I do now, not what I didn’t do then. Today is determined by yesterday’s seeds, tomorrow is determined by today’s seeds. I know what I want to plant. It will be interesting to see how they grow.