decision point
Well, this year’s martial arts clinic came and went, ending Sunday. The verdict is still out whether the clinic was the best one yet though. Because of my injured wrist, I concentrated on healing classes this year, not getting on the mat until the last day, and only for a couple of baguazhang classes. Also, I spent most of the first 2 days in a Huna 1 class. I learned this year that I have a lot more internal work that I need to do than I thought. And it only took blowing my third yearly goal to figure it out.
This weekend was the hands on test portion for the class, even though one weekend remains for instruction. Well, sometime between last class and the clinic, I forgot we were taking the test this weekend instead of waiting, so I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know some of the material, and the massage I did wasn’t particularly good. It wasn’t the worst I’ve done, but it was nowhere near what I’m capable of either. That doesn’t mean I won’t complete mod 2 though - it just means I won’t complete it this year, which was the goal. So it was a failure from that point of view, but not really when you look at it any other way.
So, what it’s come down to is this - it’s time to start working on me. It’s also time I start acknowledging some of the things I really believe and trying to think differently. While I believe in the Law of Attraction, I believe we don’t entirely control everything that’s going on - we don’t control the other people in our lives, though they influence us as we influence them. The Kahuna said something in our class this weekend that made sense to me, something I hadn’t really thought about. He said that if you think positive, you’ll predominantly attract the positive, but since opposites attract, you’ll attract the negative as well, just not as strongly.
Related to other people’s influences, I believe in Fate as well. Not necessarily a single entity that controls our destiny, but I believe there is something out there that affects our lives. Whether you term it fate, or it’s the action of guides or angels, I believe there are spirits that intercede on our behalf in certain situations. It’s funny, really - I find myself talking as if I’ve compromised my beliefs, and perhaps I have, but it’s funny that no one has forced me into it - I did it of my own free will, trying to conform to another’s ideas instead of trusting what I know.
The other thing I believe but have truly ignored for a while is the timing on decisions. I have been trying to believe that it doesn’t matter when you make a decision in regards to certain things, but the truth is, I think it does. Obviously you can make any decision at any time, but there are gestalt moments when making a decision has a multiplied effect on future actions and outcomes, and delaying a decision removes opportunities or outcomes a person doesn’t know about, and never will.
Starting tonight, and every Tuesday night, I’m going to devote the night to doing inner work. I’ll be using things I learned in this clinic, and other techniques I’ve learned in the past in doing it. I admit I no longer know what the future holds, but one thing I am pretty sure of - everything is going to be alright, including me.