out of sync
I went to jujitsu class tonight, and it was rather frustrating to say the least. I almost didn’t make it through the warmup, it was so hot and humid in the dojo, and after we started doing the techniques, I could tell something wasn’t quite right - things felt a little off, like something was misfiring but I couldn’t figure out what. Then we hit a technique where I just kept getting worse and worse. Finally I said, “I’m done,” and sat on the edge of the mat for the last 45 minutes to an hour of class.
When I took martial arts in Colorado, I could always tell how I was doing in my life by how well I did this one particular technique. Tonight I noticed something I haven’t noticed before, but should have - what happened on the mat was just the symptom. The truth is, my whole life is just a little out of sync. I sat and thought about that while I was watching class tonight. A little tweak here, and little twinge there, and before you know it, I’m like a tire that’s just a little out of alignment, or a little off balance - you notice it when you’re driving, but it’s not enough for you to figure out what exactly is wrong.
I keep coming back to a couple of things that are the problem. One, I’m thinking way too much lately, to the point I’m over thinking everything, questioning everything I do. I’ve been trying not to do the wrong thing and instead not doing anything at all, or doing something else that doesn’t work for me anyway. I’ve gotten too caught up in other people’s ideas about what and how to live life, and how to make it better.
The reality is, I know how to make it better - I always have. One, stop thinking so damn much. There’s a small voice that lives inside each of us, our intuition. It knows instinctively what is best for us and tries to tell us. It’s when I think to much, read other people’s ideas and think I need to adopt them that I get in trouble.
When I look at the times I was the happiest, when things were going best for me, I was living life instinctively. Not over thinking, taking other’s ideas and using what worked for me and discarding the rest. That’s where I’m headed again - listening to that quiet inner voice that knows. Trusting it, and trusting myself to know what is best for me, and not something I read in a book. There aren’t any answers out there - they’re all inside, where they’ve always been. I just haven’t looked in the right places, listened to the voice I knew was right.
If you’ve been reading lately, you’ll have noticed I’ve written a lot more material lately than usual - a product of my thinking mind. And while some of the lessons have been good, some haven’t. Now it’s time to think less and be more, do more. And listen more. I’ll be back in sync quickly. Of course, it will mean I will likely be writing less, since I’ll be spending more time listening and doing what I need to do, but that’s ok. I just thought you should know.