what would you do if…
someone or something you trusted beyond question or you just knew, that today was the last day of your life? Would you live differently than you are right now? What if it were a month from now? A year? What if somehow you knew exactly when and how you die, and you couldn’t change it? Would you still live the way you are now?
I thought over these questions a lot today, and I can’t say I really liked my answers. Yes, I would live different. There are things I want to do before I move on from this life, things that are within my reach and very doable. I think it will be quite a while before my time here is over, but that’s not the point. The point is, I’m not living my life the way I want to live it.
My late wife had a shirt with an old Irish proverb on it: “Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening, and live each day as if it were your last.” I’ve thought of her a lot today, and my cat Bandit, and not much else. My late wife always wanted me to be happy, and I promised her before she died that I’d be ok, that someday I’d be happy again. I’ve done my best, but in looking where I am and what I’m doing, I’m not as happy as I could be.
I know what needs to change to make that happen. I think that’s why the universe wants me to live here for a bit longer, rather than move - time to make changes. Time to smile more, be less critical, especially of myself, to spend more time with people and be friendlier, to remember that my legacy is not the things I do, but how I touch people’s lives. I remember when all I really wanted to do was help people. I still do, but I’m thinking, before I can help someone else, I need to help myself first.
Today is Samhain, or Halloween in comman parlance, the day we honor our departed loved ones. I can’t think of a better way to do that than to live the life I want, to become the person I can. I love you Marion. Thorn.