counterintuitive effects
I’ve been observing my behavior lately, and come up with some questions that are puzzling me a bit. When people are healthy physically, they are supposedly more resistant to illness and less bothered by physical circumstances than others. The same is true, supposedly, on emotional and mental levels as well: the healthier people are, they better they are able to handle life’s up and downs with minimal effect.
Supposedly. There’s the operative word. I say that because of this: I consider myself to be in better health than most people. I eat better than most, I seem to be much more immune to sickness and the like. But, when I eat something sweet, where most people just go about their day, I just want to curl up and take a nap. When I eat cooked foods, more often than not I get nauseous. So rather than increased resistance to bad foods, I’m more sensitive to them than ever. Isn’t that completely counter to the whole idea of getting healthier and being more resistant to bad stuff?
Mentally and emotionally it feels no different. I think I’m in better shape than I’ve been in for a while, yet now that I’m more aware of what I’m feeling and thinking, it seems to be easier to get knocked off balance than before. I go from being a mildly friendly, occasionally smiling person to an anti-social temperamental and edgy guy. That doesn’t really fit the profile either.
It’s been said that adversity brings out the best in a person’s character; if that’s true, you probably don’t want to be around me. As I just said, under adversity I want nothing more than solitude and quiet, or I get very temperamental. And I want to eat. As long as it’s bad for me. Which is messed up because then I feel like crap physically, because my body doesn’t handle that kind of food well any more. Strangely enough, it also makes me not want to go to jujitsu class either, and if I do, I’m much more likely to get hurt, as those are the classes when I have gotten hurt. It produces a cascade effect, I guess.
So back to the original question. Why does improvement and awareness in an area produce an increase in sensitivity? Is there another principle at work that I’m missing? For every action there’s an opposite and equal reaction? Something else? I’m really not sure, I haven’t been able to puzzle it out yet. One thing is for sure though: I need to change my default stress behavior to support where I want to go and what I want to accomplish, rather than what I’m doing now, because it’s completely counter to what I want and it’s creating unneccesary conflict. Maybe I just need to let the whole thing go and just move on and stop thinking about it so much.
I have noticed that is the one thing that seems to change the situation for the better: physical activity where the possibilit for injury is low. Moving meditation would be good, I think, getting back into Tai Chi, or maybe some Pa Kua. Yoga works too, but not as well. Someday I may actually take a yoga instructor class and start teaching. Might be a good way to get used to teaching. Guess I’ll just keep thinking about it in the meantime.