harmony
I discovered something tonight that didn’t make me very happy: I’m reading and watching too much news again.
I’ve been letting myself get stressed about work lately, which is bad in and of itself. I’m just tired of working on what I’ve been working on for a few weeks now, tired of cleaning up someone else’s mess and trying to make it work. Anyway, I went to yoga tonight, and came home feeling relaxed and less stressed than I have been lately. Well, that lasted until I started reading some of the news out there on the internet. I used to be a hardcore news junkie in the mornings, but stopped or cut way back when I found myself getting depressed over stuff I have no control over. Well, I noticed tonight that it’s started happening again, so I’m going back to no news is good news - on the internet or the tv.
When I weighed myself yesterday, I tipped the scale at 191.2, up a little bit. I still haven’t managed to ween myself off sugar again, although that’s coming rapidly as I’m tired of sugar crashing in the afternoon. I’m tired of a lot of things at this point, and angry, angry enough to do something about it. I know what I want enough to focus on what I want in the long term and stop looking at what I want right this moment. I want to be healthier, and that means getting rid of sugar. Period.
I was thinking earlier, before I started writing this, that a lot of the so-called problems in this world are caused by our refusal to live in harmony with it. Turning that flashlight inward, I’m not doing such a good job of living in harmony with what I want either. But I’m getting better. I’m simplifying, making my life be about the things I want it to be about. Now that I think about it, I’m seeing where I’m at right now compared to where I want to be, and it’s disheartening at times. But if I’m going to do and be the things I want, I need to know where I’m at, not bury my head in the sand. So I’m going to do better about living in harmony with what I want, even if it isn’t the funnest thing at the moment.