bottoming out
This past week was a pretty intense week for me. A lot of stuff seemed to fall apart.
From watching my financial stuff go down the drain, hurting my knee at class, and just generally being fed up with work, it was a less than stellar week. When I got home from work Thursday, I was so disillusioned I wasn’t even sure which way was up. My life, which I have put together over the last few months, felt like it was falling apart and I felt helpless to stop it. I talked to a close friend of mine that night, and got some good advice.
I did a ritual that night too, the first I’ve done in several months. I sat down, forgot about the current circumstances of my life, and gave some serious thought to what I want in my life. I wrote them down in a little notebook, then wrote each one on a piece of flash paper and watched it flame up, released to the universe. While I’m not going to tell you what I wrote, I can tell you what I didn’t write: nothing specific. Instead of writing that I want a house, or money, or a girlfriend, I wrote down things like peace and happiness - states of being rather than tangible things.
I feel a lot better since that ritual - more focused, more relaxed. I still have a ways to go, but I’m on my way back up. I know what I really want, and that’s half the battle.