wiccan no more
When we first met, my girfriend asked me a question that kicked around my mind for a long time. She asked me about my religion, which I responded to with my answer of Wiccan with a heavy Zen influence, and then she asked the question: why did I feel it necessary to put a label on my religion? (long post ahead)
I thought about that for a moment, explaining that it was more so other people could understand than anything else. But later on, that question reverberated in my head. As I thought about it, the whole Wiccan with a Zen influence answer started sounding rather trite and contrived to me. The question about the label really sparked off questions about my religious versus my spiritual beliefs and just what exactly they are. After giving the question a lot of thought and consideration, I came to the conclusion that my friends have probably been thinking for quite a while: I’m not really Wiccan, not any more.
It wasn’t an earth shattering realization, like some I’ve had. I didn’t throw over everything I’ve felt or believed for another religion. On reflection, I simply realized that Wicca isn’t really the best label to describe my beliefs any longer. To me, religion and spirituality can be separate, but for myself, religion is a form used to express one’s spiritual beliefs. What I’ve discovered is that the form of Wicca isn’t what I want any more. Honestly. I mean, I sort of celebrated Yule at the last minute. When Imbolc started to get close, it wasn’t a feeling of good, I get to do ritual, it was more like, ‘Crap, more work writing a ritual that I don’t feel much like doing anyway.’
So, when all is said and done, I may do circle now and then, but I think I’m done calling myself a Wiccan. One thing most, if not all Wiccans live by, is the Wiccan Rede: An it harm none, do as ye will. I’ve found something better, and it doesn’t come from Wicca. It’s the Esoteric Principles of Judo, and in retrospect, I’ve really been living more by this than the Rede for a long time. It was written by Professor Henry Okazaki, founder of DanZan Ryu Jujitsu, the martial art I practice. I find it more relevant to life than the Rede anyway; the Rede is simply a rephrasing of the idea of don’t hurt anyone, including yourself, while the principles are guidelines for living a decent life. I’m not saying anyone should be thinking for me, I will do that for myself, but I have tested many of these principles and found them to be correct and applicable to my life. I’ve read many creeds and manifestos during my lifetime, many when I was younger. Some had good ideas, some were verbose, some were pithy, a few were even worthwhile, but this is one of the few I’ve found outside a religious setting that I feel is fairly complete.
Anyway, to get back on point, don’t worry, I’ve not taken leave of my senses and joined a cult, or converted to something diametrically opposed to what I’ve professed in the past. I’m simply acknowledging that over the last several years I’ve changed, and that I’ve decided to try living without the label for a while and see what happens.