lessons
I had a bad day today. Actually, I had a horrible day, most of it my own fault. At work, I was recently relieved of some extra duties I had taken on for the past few months so I could go back to doing what I want to do most, which is write code.
The company needs a lot more people to write code, so it’s a win-win situation, at least in my eyes. The one complaint I have is the project I’ve been assigned to now that I’ve turned the extra duties over to someone else. It’s not the type of coding I wanted to be doing, and I’m very unhappy about it. Once again there is an unrealistic deadline and my manager has just caved to whatever was demanded so he can look good to the customer. I was so upset over the whole thing I considered giving my notice, even though I have nothing lined up.
I have been contacted by a recruiter about a consulting position with a state agency, but they probably won’t be looking for someone for at least a month, maybe longer. I’ve been contacted by another recruiting firm about a position in a city about 1-1/2 to 2 hours away, which would require me to move eventually, since I have no intention of commuting 3 - 4 hours a day for an extended period.
The mail today brought bad news as well, some financial matters I thought had been resolved don’t appear to be resolved after all, and it could have a significant impact in the near future and continue to impact for a long time. I had hoped to talk to a friend of mine for some peace of mind, but all I have at the moment is my animal companions and an otherwise empty house with me and my thoughts.
I know I titled this entry lessons. Maybe I should have just called it lesson. The lesson is this: these things are happening because I brought them into my life, I thought them into existence. I am responsible for the thoughts, feelings, and actions that have created the circumstances I now find myself in, and my thoughts, feelings, and actions can get me out.
It’s not going to happen overnight. I didn’t get myself into this overnight, so I won’t get myself out overnight either. Changing the way you think is one of the hardest things anyone can do. I can create or attract everything I need to change my circumstances, but I have to change the way I think first. And that’s my lesson: changing the way I think. Learning to think things the way I want, that work well for me, rather than thinking stuff that doesn’t.
Remember how I said I put into images those things I want? they ended up on my bedroom wall. I practice gratitude for them when I wake up and before I go to sleep, and when I get dressed. I discovered something that’s fun to do too, something I haven’t really done before: I’ve started weaving them altogether into one picture. I take the vision of one, and then visualize it with another, then see how a third thing would fit, and so on, until I have this picture of everything I want and how it would fit into my life. Judging by my reaction of how today went, I need to visualize the good stuff a lot more and worry about the bad stuff a lot less.