an impending sense of … hope
I have this feeling… I’ve had it a couple of times before in my lfe, that sense that something big is waiting around the corner, and I don’t know what it is, but it’s going to be good.
This feeling has come and gone over the last month or so, as I’ve felt compelled to do a reorganization of my stuff and get rid of anything I haven’t used in a while. It’s been off again the last couple of days, but this morning it came back again, bigger than it was. Whatever it is, it’s getting closer, I can feel it. Part of me is really excited, can’t wait for it, like a kid waiting for Christmas morning. There’s another lesson in this for me that I’ve found: learning to live in the moment.
Patience is not a virtue I’ve had in abundance, and I’m discovering that I may not need it. Living in the moment, in the here and now, removes the requirement for patience. Living in the moment requires letting go of the past as it happens, allowing the future to become the present moment without expectation. In writing this, I’ve figured out why patience isn’t needed. Patience implies expectation(s), whereas living in the present results in the obliteration of expectations. If you don’t fixate on the past or the future, what is there to expect? Only that things will proceed along ther natural course.
Back to the topic at hand. I’m excited, and hopeful, more so than I’ve been in a long time. As I said earlier, whatever is coming is getting closer, and it’s big. Life changing big. The last time I remotely felt this way, I wound up here in South Carolina. It may not be a change in job that makes me move, but it’s at that level of big. Maybe I’ll meet the woman of my dreams and spend the rest of my life with her. Maybe I’ll figure out my life’s purpose and refocus my life around it. Maybe I’ll experience spiritual enlightenment. Or maybe I’ll just get my collective act together after being in this time/space continuum for 41 years on this trip through. Heck, maybe I’ll become the healer I thought I was supposed to be. Or just maybe, maybe it’s something even better I haven’t thought of yet.
Whatever it is, when it gets here, I’ll be waiting for it, ready to greet it in the present moment with open arms.
October 29th, 2006 at 11:44 pm
Okay… still got a few entries to go but I have to comment here before I forget… I find the more I find out about you, the more I am like you. They say you are like your parents, but we were never close so I never realized how alike we are, even in callings, or what I have thought to be callings. I have always been a writer and want to be published. Now you have been writing a lot and that article to be published even. People always said I’d make a great teacher, and now I find you are thinking of teaching Wicca classes or Reiki classes. I am teaching in my beliefs as well. I have done two Bible studies the last couple of months at church. And you talk about being a healer. Somebody prophesied that I have the gift of healing. Although I don’t believe this is physical, I have seen this manifest itself spiritually. I actually had a voice tell me during a meditation once that I am here to comfort people- that is my purpose, my way of helping them heal and deal with things. That made a major turn around in my life actually, in my perceptions and desire to connect with others. Anyway, like I said, I find it interesting how much we are alike. I guess children really are pieces of their parents’ spirits.