frustration and understanding
Tonight I attempted to go back to jujitsu class. Those of you who’ve been following are aware of the injury I sustained to my thumb about 3 weeks ago. Having taken the last couple weeks off for various reasons, I was ready to get back on the mat. Or so I thought.
I tried to take a fall on the mat before class - and it felt like someone took a hammer to the ball of my thumb. That one fall was enough to convince me to get off the mat, change, and leave. My acupuncturist, who is also a licensed MD, said he thought I stretched a ligament from the description I gave him and a brief examination, and he may very well be right. Anyway, my sensei wants to tape my hand up before class next time, and for me to wear a glove of some kind. Neither idea excites me, but if I want to work out before the Fall Clinic next month, I may not have any choice.
So I left tonight before class even got started, frustrated at not being able to stay in class because of my thumb. (author’s note: this entry was started last night) As I was driving home, some words I read in an email came back to me about how we assign all this extraneous meaning to events that happen in our lives. One example would be what I did: I injured my thumb so I can’t do this and I’ll have to do this other stuff and on and on, when what I need to do is step back and just realize the even for what it was: I injured my thumb. All the other stuff was just me assigning consequences to a simple event, making a bigger deal out of it than it was.
It also occurred to me that how I dealt with my injured thumb is an example the Buddhists would use to show how the mind attaches to things and causes suffering. There would not deny that I was injured, but the meaning I attached to it was unnecessary and caused myself trouble. I may understand it, but I sure have a lot to learn about the doing of it.