many happy returns
Tonight, after almost 3 months away, I return to jujitsu class. I’m not nervous like I thought I would be, because for some reason I was when I thought about it earlier. But I have decided that I am going to be a martial artist, not just someone who does martial arts. The verbal distinction is fine, but the reality is worlds apart.
On one hand, someone who practices a martial art is just that - someone who goes through the motions of the art, but is not necessarily affected inside by the art. Someone who is a martial artist, though, becomes the art - it becomes part of their identity. And that’s what I want. In fact, it already has, in a way. Some of the life lessons I’ve learned occurred when I was on the mat in the dojo - and to me, that’s a large part of what makes a person an artist, or anything they identify with. It’s the ability to go from practicing or doing something, to identifying with it in some way and learning about you rlife in the process. The martial arts have a storied history of philosophy arising from practice, but the truth is, it can be the same with anything.
One word of caution though: once you start to identify with something, it’s very difficult to stop identifying with it. The biggest problem for most people seems to be other people. Stalkers, obsessives, and others who are unable or unwilling to set boundaries between themselves and other people. It’s when we forget who are and lose ourselves in others that we do ourselves a great disservice. I know, I’ve done it, and I’m still recovering, in a way. But things are looking up, and the light at the end of the tunnel really is a light and not a train coming the other direction.
Getting back on subject, tonight I return to the dojo and the mat, and to be reborn as a martial artist again. I am ready.