silent expectations
At the company where I work, there’s a gentleman who regularly wears a bowtie. This is a bit unusual, but not completely out of the norm. Well, this past week, there was one day where he came in without a tie, something fairly unusual for him. Having taken note of that, when I passed him in the hall I commented on it, asking him where the bowtie was and if he was slumming that day. He jokingly agreed and we went on about the business of doing our work.
It wasn’t until the next morning in the shower when the import of that action really hit home. Here’s this guy that I see most days at work, headed in a different direction than mine usually, and while I’ve only talked to him maybe a half dozen times or so, I have this expectation of him being there, wearing a bowtie. Which was followed almost immediately by the question, if I expect this from this guy, whom I barely even know, what are people expecting of me? And what other things do I expect that I allow to make me so unhappy sometimes?
I’m not always the most pleasant person to be around at work, I know this. The place where I work has problems, all companies do. Too often I let the things that happen there bother me. I care about what I do, and sometimes I find it hard to accept some of the decisions that have been made, especially when they make our jobs harder, and frankly, provide no tangible advantage, at least to our point of view. So there’s a big silent expectation for me: that someone in management, higher than myself, will make decisions that make sense from my perspective as well as theirs.
The Buddhist in me tells me to let it go, that it’s just one more co-dependent arising that brings about suffering in the world. But the non-buddhist part of me finds it difficult to keep the ego, or mind, or whatever term you wish to use, from taking control and reacting from an emotional place. i wonder what other silent expectations I have that need to be let go of, and what would happen if I let go of them and suddenly started blowing away other’s silent expectations of myself?